Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Pokemon vs. Yu-gi-Oh

Episode 19: One host battles while the other one duels ... IN BED.

Hopefully you're still with us after that off-color fortune cookie joke in the headline. But how appropriate the juvenile humor is, as Peat Ski and Pyg discuss children's cartoons that they grew up with. Well, that Peat Ski grew up with. Pyg grew up with the talkies.

Pokemon. International juggernaut of pop culture. Those adorable little pocket monsters have delighted children and flummoxed parents for over a decade. With the constant repetition of their names in lieu of language and cutesy color schemes, one can be forgiven for assuming Pokemon are harmless. But they are not. In fact, they are super-powered animals essentially engaging in cockfighting. A Pokemon trainer takes his life in his hands with one. Hell, anyone living in the Pokemon world is at risk, as there are no other animals. Instead of getting milk from a cow, you get milk from a gigantic beast that breathes fire. Take THAT, USDA.

The only place possibly more dangerous than the Pokemon world? The world of Yu-Gi-Oh. The Shadow Games, magic used by ancient Egyptians to contain powerful monsters and destructive forces, has been harnessed into a card game, played with collectible cards. The first step was creating holographic representations of the monsters on the cards. The second step was using the cards to manifest creatures capable of causing bodily harm or death. Adding in the Millennium Items, artifacts that give their bearers incredible powers. Finally, give some cards and Millennium items to adolescents, with their raging hormones and poorly developed frontal lobes, and you have the recipe for world destruction.

Peat Ski reps Pokemon, giving him hundreds of destructive monsters of all shapes, sizes and personalities. He feels that the animal nature of these creatures will carry him through the fight. On the flip side, Pyg represents Yu-Gi-Oh, and he feels that the pure destructive capability of the Shadow Games as wielded by teenagers and stunted captains of industry will destroy any pesky Pokemon pets.

No matter who wins, we all already lost, as collectible card games and their associated multimedia properties have consumed the world. Good luck getting your kids to play Parcheesi. No one cares that it's the royal game of India.


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