Sunday, June 16, 2013

Iron Man vs. Aquaman

Episode 21, where our hosts learn not to drop an iPad in the ocean.

Tony Stark. The (Iron)man, the legend, the box office giant. This idiosyncratic technocrat has wisecracked his way into our hearts and wallets. The latest Iron Man movie has officially made 100 gajillion dollars worldwide. Remember, that's an official number. So who can possibly stand up to this paragon of super-heroism?

There is one man. Well, not so much a man as a man who lives at the bottom of the sea. The king of Atlantis, the least appreciated superhero of all time. The mighty Aquaman. He'll never get a movie. But his comic book series in DC's New 52 has been a showstopper, as far as the Vs. hosts are concerned. Between his lack of financial success and his inherent power set, he makes the perfect foil for Iron Man.

Peat Ski has been particularly wowed by the new adventures of Aquaman and he happily represents the Atlantean monarch. Peat thinks this fight is man vs. machine, and if machine wins, we might as well all just give up and become energy cells for the machines. Pyg takes Iron Man as a champion and he figures that any man who can chuck an atomic bomb at an alien invasion can handle a hero who can defeated by those plastic things that hold six packs together.

Will Iron Man be all washed up? Or will he fry Aquaman like a fish out of water? Will we run out of these bad water cliches? Spoiler alert: Yes.


  1. Aquaman also shows tactical prowess in Justice League #13 & #14, when he comes up with the plan to capture Cheetah. Leading her toward a river and taking away her territorial advantage by taking her out of the jungle and putting her in the water, surrounding her with an army of pirahna. So he shows tactics outside of a war room.

    Aquaman's (swim) speed is at least hypersonic as he's faster than The Operative's plane. (Aquaman #10 & #11)

    He's a class 100, lifting a Cruise liner in Justice League #12, with cruise liners weighing anywhere from 30,000 to 220,000 tons.

    Also was Aquaman's aquatic telepathy not allowed in this fight because it qualified as outside help? Because it's his most well known ability and it could even the odds against Ironman's drones as with Justice League #4's army of sharks shredding a fleet of parademon's to nothing.

    Aquaman should take Movie Ironman imo, comic Iron Man is another story, he can still win but much harder and on fewer occasions.