Monday, April 2, 2012

The Award Show

Episode 8, wherein everyone gets a trophy, just like pee-wee soccer.

Did anyone actually watch the Oscars this year? Our hosts (only one of whom has cable) checked out mentally as soon as they realized the gentle competence of Billy Crystal wouldn't be nearly as exciting as watching Anne Hathaway try to carry an uncooperative James Franco over her shoulder like a fireman. The only thing more entertaining than watching a host try to be funny while the co-host actively tries to derail her is listening to TWO hosts try to be funny while sabotaging each other in a grand game of award show Spy vs. Spy.

In this episode, Peat Ski and Pyg hand out awards in incredibly esoteric and narrow categories. A full list is below the break, but they include "Achievement in Animal Sidekickery" and "Best Female Version of a Male Superhero." Y'know, actual categories, not phoney baloney like "Cinematography" or "Screenwriting."

It's a full hour of pageantry, splendor, dirty words and double entendres.


Worst Sci-fi Robot:
-The Happy Birthday Paulie Robot (Rocky 4)
-Box (Logan's Run)
-Conky 2000 (Pee Wee's Playhouse)
-Those Crappy Little Black Mouse Droids That Run Away When Chewbacca Roars (Star Wars)

Pee Wee's Playhouse Death Match:
-The King of Cartoons
-Cowboy Curtis

Achievement in Animal Sidekicks:
-Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes)
-Dynomutt (Inexplicably, his own show)
-Scrappy-Doo (Scooby-Doo)
-Muffit II (Battlestar Galactica)

Best Bird-related Character:
-Hawkman (DC Comics)
-The Penguin (DC Comics)
-Raptor (G.I. Joe)
-The Clockwork Owl (Clash of the Titans)

Best Female Version of a Male Superhero:
-Hawkgirl/woman (DC Comics)
-Arrowette (DC Comics)
-She-Ra (She-Ra)
-She-Hulk (Marvel Comics)

Ultra Powerful Weapons That Can Be Used By Anyone:
-The Infinity Gauntlet (Marvel Comics)
-The One Ring (Lord of the Rings)
-The Ultimate Nullifier (Marvel Comics)
-The Cosmic Cube (Marvel Comics)

Best (Worst?) Human Sidekick to Non-Human Characters:
-April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
-Elisa Maza (Gargoyles)
-Sparkplug (Transformers)
-Jon Arbuckle (Garfield)

Best Hate Sex/Frenemies:
-Batman/Catwoman (DC Comics)
-Buffy and Every Vampire Ever (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
-Professor X./Magneto (Marvel Comics)
-Reed Richards/Dr. Doom (Marvel Comics)

Humanitarian of the Year:
-Dr. Wily (Megaman)
-Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog)
-Dr. Claw (Inspector Gadget)
-Dr. Bruce Banner (Marvel Comics)

Achievement in Counting:
-Count Chocula (Breakfast Cereal)
-Count Duckula (Nickelodeon)
-Count Von Count (Sesame St.)
-Count Vertigo (DC Comics)


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